Ned Flanders does not shop at Barnes & Noble.

Ned Flanders of the world, unite! Earlier this week, the conservative watchdog Morality in Media released its “Dirty Dozen” list, which aims to “expose and shame 12 top enablers of our country’s pornography pandemic.”

While Attorney General Eric Holder landed the top spot for “[refusing] to enforce existing federal obscenity laws against hardcore pornography,” book lovers shouldn’t be disappointed for failing to take home the top honors: The American Library Association came in at a respectable number 7, while dying big box chain Barnes & Noble snuck in at 11th place.

The group exposed and shamed the ALA for allowing “countless patrons of all ages . . . to access or [be] inadvertently exposed to hardcore adult pornography and even child pornography on library computers” and for privileging pesky constitutional rights (Morality in Media condescendingly refers to the ALA as a “self-styled champion of First Amendment freedoms”) over protecting patrons from filthy, filthy pornography. Barnes & Noble, meanwhile, was taken to task for being a “major supplier of adult pornography and child erotica.” Personally, I feel like the last claim needs to be elaborated on—surely the federal government would take note if the largest bookstore chain in the country was peddling child pornography—but until then, I’ll just assume they’re taking a page out of Russia’s playbook and misreading Lolita.

Morality in Media also notes that “nearly two dozen porn magazines are currently for sale at one store we randomly checked,” which is very scientific. Also: two dozen is proportionally not very many, considering B&N stocks roughly 50 different glossy titles about Civil War memorabilia.

All in all, I have to conclude that if anything this is good news for the struggling retailer—any publicity is good publicity! Of course, it’s not that much publicity. Ironically, if you google “dirty dozen porn” the two top results are lists of the most popular or highest-grossing adult film stars. And so the fight for the soul of America continues.