Grasping at straws? Ask Leigh for help.

Leigh Stein, author of the forthcoming The Fallback Plan, has begun writing a weekly advice column at The Faster Times. We’ll be syndicating the column here at MobyLives.

Dear Leigh,

I am writing you because I’m seeking your advice, and maybe you can even come up with a Fallback Plan for me, as advertised. (Although I doubt it.)

Here’s my issue: I may become a spinster. Or I probably already am a spinster (I won’t reveal my age), due to the general exceeding hopeless disappointing deficiency of men. Any ideas?

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear Anon.,

Is that a stray cat hair I see on your letter? Just kidding. Contrary to popular belief, not all spinsters keep cats (some are allergic).

Before you settle for a life of bitter despondency, lets look to some famous spinsters for tips on staying fabulous:

Little Edie Beale (Fallback plan = wear cardigan as turban, keep in shape by baton twirling)
Emily Dickinson (Fallback plan = wear white, deliver letters and cookies by dropping basket from window)
Elizabeth I (Fallback plan = wear wig, paint face with lead, defeat Spanish Armada)

Until you find a guy that knocks your handknit socks off, keep marching to the beat of your favorite Icelandic techno, and thank God you weren’t born in Yemen, and married off at 10.

Love,
Leigh

Dear Leigh,

What if I don’t make it as a writer?

Love,
Anonymous

Dear Anon.,

Your anxiety has been felt by all the greats, from Aesop to Adolf…

Read more at The Faster Times.