Okay, so on Friday Oprah Winfrey announced her solution to the Middle-East crisis — no, wait, I mean she announced that she had discovered the cure for cancer — no, I mean, that she had, uh — oh yeah, now I remember what it was. She announced that she was granting her latest largess on this guy who lives on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and really needed it … exactly as MobyLives first reported on Monday.

Emperor Franzen immediately issued the statement below to MobyLives and to the world. We concur: All hail, Emperor Franzen.