Valentine’s Day isn’t until Friday, which means there’s still plenty of time to come up with a heartfelt gesture for your significant other. You could follow the crowd and make reservations at an expensive, packed restaurant, but if you really want show your love all you need is a quiet evening together with the romantic letters James Joyce sent to his wife, Nora.

While Joyce’s descriptions of how his beloved had “an arse full of farts that night” and the way he “fucked them out of her” or how, on the topic of her drawers, he would “like to hear you shit them, dear, first and then fuck you” could bring a tear to anyone’s eye, the full impact is lost without the proper delivery. In this Funny or Die video, Freaks and Geeks’ Martin Starr shows us the best way to read these beautiful writings to our loved ones.