Which one of these lovely human billionaires are you?

Are you baby-faced heartthrob David H. Koch? Or mysterious bad boy Charles G. Koch?

Take the quiz to find out!

1.) It’s a typical Saturday night. What are you doing?

A. Relaxing at home with a good book and a glass of Chardonnay.

B. Out on the town, partying like there’s no tomorrow!

C. Stuck at my desk working.

D. Funneling dark money into a Wisconsin county board election to ensure victory for a candidate who publicly compared Obama to Joseph Goebbels.

2.) What would be your perfect pet?

A. A cuddly bunny

B. A tough Pit Bull

C. A goofy monkey

D. A parakeet committed to supporting the construction of the Keystone XL Pipeline

3.) What movie totally describes your life?

A. Bridesmaids (2011)

B. The Fighter (2010)

C. Office Space (1999)

D. Citizen Koch (2013)

4.) Somebody is talking trash about you around the office. What do you do?

A. Kill them with kindness.

B. Get medieval on their ass!

C. Photoshop their face onto an orangutan. Who’s laughing now?

D. Secretly fund the creation of dozens of pseudo-grassroots organizations to protest the Affordable Care Act.

5.) What’s your favorite food?

A. Chicken soup

B. Steak, the bloodier the better

C. Mmm… pie

D. Mmm… Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission

6.) What quality do you prize most in people?

A. Kindness

B. Loyalty

C. Intelligence

D. Scott Walker will be the next president of the United States.

7.) If you had a million dollars, what would you do?

A. Help someone less fortunate.

B. Throw the mother of all parties!

C. Travel to outer space.

D. Buy… a pizza? Look, I’ll be honest. I have no idea how much normal things cost because I’m a billionaire who is monomaniacally focused on remaking the country to suit my own narrow political and business interests. Why do I do it? Well, it’s probably a fear of my own mortality combined with a thinly-veiled sense of shame that, deep down, I know my brother and I did nothing to deserve the astronomical fortune we inherited. So, yeah. A pizza, I guess.

8.) Do you wear glasses?

A. Yes.

B. No.

C. I don’t know.

D. Climate change is a hoax.

RESULTS: If you answered A to question 8, you are Charles G. Koch. If you answered B or C, you are David H. If you answered D, you are absolutely correct.