In the revision, Snow White examines organically-grown apple

Do you remember your mother reading you fairy tales? Did they scar you for life? Do you still sometimes wake in the middle of the night, convinced that the wicked witch of the gingerbread cottage was coming to stuff you and swaddle you in bacon before serving you up for Sunday lunch? No? Well, you’re obviously desensitized. The Baby Website, a forum for overeager mummies and daddies, conducted investigations into the stories that modern parents read to their little ones. According to their poll of 3000 people, which you can read here along with some scintillating commentary, “1 in 4 mums has ditched old classics” because they are politically incorrect and frightening. Singled out for disapproval are Snow White, which includes a scary witch and the un-PC dwarf reference; Rapunzel, which is simply “dark”; and Cinderella, because the heroine is made to do housework. (Or is it because she is emancipated by a prince with a glass slipper rather than through her own struggle for liberty?) Nor are stories set in woodland ok: Hansel and Gretel is unacceptable because the children are left in a forest, and Little Red Riding Hood is out because she has to walk alone through the woods to her grandmother’s house. Apparently, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, written in 1969, is the most popular modern story. If I were a child hearing that I’d become extremely worried, not to say neurotic, about the possibility that a hungry insect might come and eat me. No, what these kids need, clearly, is a book called Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. It’s out of print now but there are two copies for grabs at Powells. In case anyone’s worried that things might go off message, you should know that in this version, Snow White refuses to do any housework for the “vertically challenged individuals”, choosing instead to establish a yoga retreat in the woods. When the wicked witch comes to kill her, she is given a stern lecture on the objectification of women. Rather than offering her stepdaughter the apple, the witch learns the correct way to salute the sun. The handsome prince gets a job as a fitness instructor.