Retail is a challenge no matter who you are. With the internet making it easier to find deals online or at a multitude of brick-and-mortar stores, competition for dollars is fierce. One way companies keep in touch with their customers to remind them that they exist, get an edge against competitors, and to offer incentives to get people into their stores is the e-newsletter. It’s also a free way to get some sort of message out, especially when you need to counter some relentless bad press.

As many of you know, Borders is experiencing something of a crisis. Indeed, pretty soon you may well be reading a story here about the details of their imminent bankruptcy after it’s official. But if all you knew about Borders was what you learned through their email campaigns, you might think some insufferably cheery person was in charge of their online marketing and had an unhealthy affinity for hitting the “send” button. The emails have just been getting cheerier–and stranger–and have taken on this feel that is so bizarre in light of what is actually going on at the company you might think their CEO was Hosni Mubarak.

As someone who at one point or another gave a Borders cashier my email address in exchange for a discount on something I was buying and now receives their e-newsletters on a daily basis, I have been marveling at the bizarreness of their emails for a while now. But I never had the bright idea to make a list and look at them in the context of everything that’s been going on. Thankfully, Liz Colville did and she compiled a list of their e-newsletter headlines for Thought Catalog (Colville’s commentary in brackets):

December 27: WATCH ALL WEEK! 2-Day Deals — Deal #2: 50% off bestsellers
December 31: 50% OFF ANY ITEM! Don’t Miss the Last of Our 2-Day Deals!
January 3: Ring in the New Year with Big Books & BIG SAVINGS!
January 6: $10 in BONUS Borders Bucks — Limited Time Only!
January 6: Eat This, Not That — Shop Here, Not There… And SAVE! [Two e-mails in one day…things are getting serious.]
January 10: 500 Million People Like This [Not Borders, of course — Facebook. This was a Facebook-themed e-mail tied to the release of The Social Network on DVD. Clever.]
January 13: WOW! A Wireless eReader Under $100 — 4 Days Only!
January 20: 4 DAYS LEFT! A Wireless eReader Under $100 [Wasn’t that deal over on January 17?]
January 21: Snowed In? SAVE UP TO 46% at Borders.com [Winter-themed e-mails!]
January 24: Don’t Miss the Book BOGO: Buy 1, Get 1 50% Off
January 27: MUAH! Be My Valentine — Gift Ideas & SAVINGS! [Gross, Borders]
January 31: FREE SHIPPING — No Minimum Purchase! Stop Shoveling, Start Shopping!
February 3: Life Is Good with FREE SHIPPING & Ultimate Mochas! [What?]
February 7: Dare to Compare! Kobo Wireless eReader Now $99.99 Every Day! [Oh, so that deal is on for four consecutive days, repeatedly, forever]
February 9: 6 Hand-Selected Wines for $6.99 Each — Plus a Free Gift [?!?!?!]

Can’t wait to see the headline the day they file for bankruptcy.